New Year's resolutions are made to be broken -- doubly so in Hollywood.
Some movie stars need bigger resolutions than us mere mortals, and to help them along we've come up with some sure-fire 2011 resolutions they may want to consider adopting. (And no, not in the Angelina Jolie-foreign baby sense of the word.)
So for those celebrities who have misstepped (or heck, even for those who've done OK for themselves), here are our suggestions for 2011 New Year's resolutions.
So your antics this year cost you any good faith 'Lethal Weapon' ever gave you, causing you to lose a cameo in the sure-to-be-hilarious sequel to 'The Hangover.' You were revealed as a racist, sexist and anti-Semitic wife-beater and there's really no coming back from that. Our advice would be to lay as low as possible. In fact, is it too late to CGI Liam Neeson into your upcoming movie 'The Beaver'?
2011 Resolution: Accept that you've had a good run and stay out of the spotlight. The public is done with you. In 10 years, resurface for a cameo in an action movie. But for this upcoming year? Your resolution is to "zip it."
Jennifer Aniston Hard to believe the rumor mill hasn't yet died down over your divorce from Brad Pitt like, 7,000 years ago. Perhaps more egregious though has been your choice of films ever since; 'The Bounty Hunter' doesn't exactly make people forget that you're that Jennifer Aniston. Remember when you did such a great job in 'The Good Girl'? Go back to that in 2011.
2011 Resolution: Stop it with the romantic comedies. This new year is the perfect time for you to start picking up meatier roles that will finally overshadow all the BS in your personal life. It's 2011, after all -- movies need to stop being about Type A woman teaming up with freeloading dudes. Your resolution needs to be to stop enabling those films.
Lindsay Lohan Is it fair to count you among movie actresses this year? You did have one role in 'Machete' with Danny Trejo, but other than that, not much went on with you, acting-wise. In the coming year you should take some movie roles. Unless you enjoy trotting around Los Angeles with your mother making bad business and personal decisions for you. It seems like you do.
2011 Resolution: Your resolution is to: "Get. it. together." This Marilyn Monroe complex has got to go unless you want to end up like she did -- dying young. Get a movie role and show up to the set on time. Show up to the set at all. And stop talking about that leggings company like you're going to make it happen. It's not going to happen.
Jaden Smith Remakes are doing well for you, little buddy. In 2010, you starred opposite Jackie Chan in 'The Karate Kid' remake and it was super cute. In 2011, you should remake 'Rush Hour' with the kick-ass Maddox Jolie-Pitt. Or remake 'Home Alone' with Cedric the Entertainer and Samuel L. Jackson as the bungling burglars. Really, the remake world is your remake oyster in the coming year.
2011 Resolution: Your resolution should be to "start collaborating with your sister, singing sensation Willow Smith." Do a pint-sized 'Men in Black' with Willow in the Tommy Lee Jones role and you playing your dad's part. Do 'Wild Wild West' with Willow in the Kevin Kline role and you ... well, you get it. Just work together and use your Smith powers for good, not evil (i.e., stay away from Justin Bieber).
Gwyneth Paltrow As recently as 2009, people were getting really sick of you, Gwyneth Paltrow. Your pretentious, non-sensical website GOOP wasn't making you any friends, and that faux-British accent was working about as well as it did for Madonna. But somehow in 2010 you managed to turn it all around. People like you again! You were fun on 'Glee' as a wacky substitute teacher and your 'Country Strong' is good campy fare.
2011 Resolution: Keep doing what you're doing and don't screw this up. You might just have a shot at being a darling in the public's eyes again, instead of a weird snob who lacks self-awareness. Your resolution should be to "take more fun parts" so you'll maintain your status as "beloved by audiences." Also, if you have another kid in 2011, name it something normal, please.
Daniel Radcliffe and Robert Pattinson In 2011, both of your lucrative fantasy franchises -- 'Harry Potter' and 'Twilight' -- are coming to an end. So what's next? Star in a buddy cop movie together? Cash in on those kiddie roles before you have to start playing grown ups? Try and play each other's parts -- Harry Potter and Edward Cullen -- in the inevitable remakes? Take to the stage for a while?
2011 Resolutions: For both of you, it's time to make 2011 the year you take really good adult parts. Think Macaulay Culkin in 'Party Monster' or Natalie Portman in 'Closer.' Really take the year away from 'Harry Potter' and 'Twilight' and grow up as actors. Now's your chance to 'make magic' and 'eclipse' your past roles, respectively.
Charlie Sheen If you're gonna go bananas on a bender in a hotel room, perhaps leave bigger tips for the housekeeping staff. Or maybe just stop going on benders? For some inexplicable reason, audiences seem to like you in 'Two and a Half Men,' but they hate you in your personal life. If you're looking to get back into movies, you might want to stop being so unlikable.
2011 Resolution: No more hanging out with prostitutes and no more drugs. In fact, take six months and lay low. Then, take a part in a comedy where you mock your past drug use and partying and let everyone take a couple of pot shots at you. It'll show humility and self-awareness in the coming year.
Tim Burton
How long can you, as a director, get away with casting Johnny Depp and your partner, Helena Bonham Carter, in the same movie over and over again? It got stale like, five movies ago. Also, if we hear about one more adaptation or remake ('Alice in Wonderland,' 'Sweeney Todd,' 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory') from you in 2011, we're going to explode.
2011 Resolution: Make an original movie and do NOT cast Johnny Depp in it. Granted, you guys work well together, but he's become this weird crutch for you when you used to be known for creating masterful works. In 2011, you will sign on to a new movie and it will not be a remake or adaptation and you will cast a fresh face in every single role. In 2011, Depp can fend for himself.
Tom Hardy You had a breakout year in Christopher Nolan's stunning 'Inception' and your career isn't showing any signs of slowing down. Congrats! 2010 ruled for you. Don't blow it. You made some amazingly progressive comments regarding sexuality and you could emerge as the face of sexy leading men for a new generation.
2011 Resolution: Oh, erm ... we don't really have a resolution for you other than to keep doing what you're doing. We can't wait to see you in the sequel to 'The Dark Knight' and in 'This Means War.' Stay sexy, and in the coming year, try not to backpedal on anything you said pre-fame. Our love is yours to lose.
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